Is this a rant or a whine? You decide.
The books get some negative reviews, that’s life. Not everybody likes broccoli. Some people just don’t like my books. OK.
The reviews that frustrate me are the ones where they don’t seem to get the point. I have to think that’s the fault of the author.
But I wish they could say, “I don’t like the style.” or “I think he’s stupid.’ or whatever, instead of complaining that the book is not something it was never intended to be.
Your Life Can Be Better, using strategies for adult ADD/HD is not an encyclopedia of strategies and it is not a book on how to stop losing your keys. The strategies in there are examples of how to create and use strategies. If some of my strategies work for you, great! If not, you may be able to modify them so they will. Or you may just need to create the strategies that will work for you. The principle is: identify a problem, design a strategy, make it a rule, stick with it until it’s a habit; your life will be better!
Living Daily With Adult ADD or ADHD is not a book to sit down and read or to find ways to help your non adult children. It is 365 tips to read one a day at your own pace. It is meant to help you stay on track, to educate you about ADD ADHD, and to encourage you.
I wish I had made these things more clear in the books, but most people seem to get it.
homeys post a good review
Feel free to leave a review, I would appreciate it, good, bad or indifferent. (to be honest, I prefer good, but they tell me that any publicity is good publicity. Wish I believed that)
if you think this is a rant, clik here
or a whine, clik here
“Everybody has a little ADHD.”
Have you heard that before?
Yes, but some of us have a whole lot of it and almost all the time. That’s different.
The quote above is from an article that actually has some good information and, in my humble opinion, some baloney.
What do you think? clik (this is the article)
For the ADD ADHD deniers: od yu diblve in dsylexai to??
from totally ADHD, The Funnies
Homey’s planner, a good approach
and more on ADD ADHD relationships
and more yet
There is evidence that the ADD ADHD strategies work. This in from Momma who had some questions:
Thank you so much for breaking down the cards/lists strategies for me. I know I asked a lot and I appreciate your taking the time to explain it all. The screen shots are so helpful, too. I understand it much better now. I’m not finished with your book yet, but the cards/lists strategies really talked to me, (I love lists), so I started using it right away. I don’t have my colored index cards yet, so I am using loose leaf paper. I must say, just seeing what I needed to do written on a piece of paper felt so good. It gave me much needed direction. I felt empowered. I started with something simple: I get up early on Sundays, so I can have some “me” time before my children wake up and before Church. During this time, I read my emails, maybe flip through a magazine, catch up on a tv show, guilty pleasure stuff. Well, usually, when I turn on my computer, I find something interesting on yahoo’s home page, then something else interesting (kind of like your Henry VIII Wives’ example). Before you know it, I have done nothing but read yahoo news that is not important , and then I am running late for church. SO, on my list I wrote: read HGTV magazine (and don’t start another magazine before you finish it), read 15 minutes of Your Life Can Be Better, find a Christmas letter from a friend (I’ve been looking through my piles since Christmas), research Hoya care, etc., AND leave plenty of time to get ready for Church. I did it all and checked off the items as I went along. And I was on time for church. No rushing out the door 1/2 ready. It felt great. My family couldn’t believe I was on time. The next day, I wrote some real to-do stuff on my paper – 5 things only – pay bills, empty suitcase, plan weekly menus, etc.) I got them all accomplished. Again, it felt great. I have decided to name my list from Sunday morning “Leisure Time” and I made another list called “Little Things to Do”. for 5-10 minute tasks. Then I will have my list of only 5 things. I am keeping some reminders where I tend to sit: “Finish one book or magazine before you start another” and “leave plenty of time to get ready”. As I said, just seeing the words seems to motivate me and keep me on track. Key for me is keeping up the momentum and the lists. Otherwise, I fall right back into getting nothing done (because it is not written down). Maybe I will make a “write your lists and cards” reminder to keep me going. Thank you for this blog and for your books. They are gifts. Momma
Note the strategies of lists, schedule, blocks of time, and the power of positive reinforcement.
more on lists
The sun always come out after the storm.
Momma asked for details about how to use the card system for ADD ADHD. So:
First, red card for the to do list, limited to 5 things. That’s the tasks for today, tho may not get all five done.
When a new to do comes up, the red card usually has five already, so the new one goes on the orange card. I use a star or underlining or numbering on the orange card to indicate importance. When I have crossed something off the red card, then I look at the orange for the next one to put on.
The yellow card is for things I might do someday, maybe. Sometimes one moves up to the orange or even the red. Sometimes I have spare time and just do one.
1. I also use green cards for movie and book titles, blue for memory, and white for things I’m trying to learn or misc.
2. This system may be outmoded if I could use the iPhone better, but it doesn’t have colors, but I expect there are good apps for this. But the cards seem easier than typing on the phone, and I’m terrified of losing it, or even something happening, like, oh, I don’t know, maybe sending it thru the washing machine?
3. Homey sent a great strategy for priorities, a real problem for me – ” If you could only do one thing on your list, which one would it be?” That’s your number one priority then.
4. I confess I do not stick strictly to the system all the time; maybe sometimes there’s more than five things on the red card, but that is a mistake and I’m working on doing better, cause then my life goes better. Momma’s questions have helped me refocus on this.
Hope this covers Momma’s questions and maybe is a good review for some of us.
What is your system? and What apps do you use?? Hoping for comments (as always)
good ADHD facts on flash cards
another kind of ADHD cards
the power of lists
I just read what may be the best ADD ADHD post ever, from Homey (Patty). I will not copy it here but give you the link. It is great!
Momma complains of totally disorganized, out of whack, doesn’t know how to start. For ADD ADHD, that is disaster. Momma, I don’t know you personally and I don’t know your circumstances, so this is one way to start but you will need to personalize it. Daily and weekly schedule, routine, and blocks of time:
Modify this to fit your preferences and circumstances, you will have a daily and weekly schedule and a routine. You will need to be flexible, things will come up. You may wish to fill in things for the afternoons and evenings or not. For example, I commit to doing a blog post on Mon, Wed, Sat. That’s routine, structure, that I need.
This is a start!
routine for ADD ADHDclik
more routine, from Margarita clik
more ADD ADHD tips, from Dana clik
Momma has suggested more details about using cards, lists, small steps and priorities for adult ADD ADHD. And some other questions. This will take a few posts.
CARDS: the red card, list of five, things to be attempted today. Limit it to five or I’ll be overwhelmed and can’t figure out where to start, and will procrastinate, stagnate, and flop around in useless circles – probably flee to FreeCell. These five also need to be small things, or the same paralysis will result.
What to put on Red Card?
Not routine things! I don’t put “brush my teeth”, or “eat lunch”.
I don’t put “practice guitar” cause I want to do that a little everyday anyway. However, if it’s a day I’ve picked to especially devote to guitar, then I’ll put it on. But small steps -it’s better if I particularly want to work on one thing – then “practice C scale” or “practice I Remember You”. Less overwhelming, more specific, easier to get started.
House work? If it’s routine, not on card. But if Tuesday is the day to clean the kitchen, then maybe, “kitchen”. And if it’s something special, not routine, then “wax kitchen floor” for sure.
More next time.
The Red Card
I love getting suggestions, book reviews and blog comments – Thank you, Momma.
As I complete tasks I cross them off. I also keep re-numbering the order I more or less plan to do them in. When the card gets full or too messy, I throw it away and start a new Red Card (if I had a better supply and wasn’t so cheap (sorry, I meant thrifty) I would use a new card every day.
Here’s the input from Momma. clik
Short answer to a question- When everything is out of whack, start with one thing (ie one area, one problem, etc).
‘OK, but everything’s a mess.’ Yes, I know, but you’ve been living that way for a while, so you’re not gonna fix it all in one day and you need to start somewhere.
more on lists clik
more on red card clik
more on small steps clik
Bonus Site o the Day: Orlov on bedtimes for couples clik
Distraction distraction distraction : Oh, my sweet ADD ADHD!
We were lunching at Clafutti’s, our great Santa Fe French bistro, when the alarm on my iPhone went off. That’s every day at 1:45 to remind me to take off my Daytrana ritalin patch so I’ll be able to sleep at night. So my wife, who sometimes feels I need a little direction (I wonder why?) says, “Doug, go in the bathroom and take off your patch.” She might have been afraid I wouldn’t remember what the alarm meant, or that I might open up my shirt and take it off right there (I have done that; she probably thinks it’s inappropriate but I think that at my age – )
So, I said, “Right!” and got up and went into the bathroom. Now without getting overly intimate or crude or otherwise inappropriate, let me tell you that I performed this little perfectly normal physiological function in there and then came back to the table.
She said, “Did you take your patch off?”
I said, “Oh!”
I’m distracted a lot at home. I start to go to the kitchen to do something but I see something in the living room to do and I start that and then realize I could check something on my iPhone, which reminds me of a new app I want to download so I go back to the computer to get it but I want to check my E mail first and someone asked a question that I need to research to answer and so ——–.
1. When I start to do something, say it out loud – “I’m going into the kitchen to put away this cup.” (I talk to myself a lot.)
2. Rule- for small tasks; I can’t start a new task til I finish the one I’m doing.
3. Label distractions “Oh, I know what that is; that’s a distraction.”
4. Use my index cards, iPhone, or something I have with me always, to note the distraction -”Download a new reminder app.” and then proceed with the task I’m on.
Do you know anything about distractions? Please share.
Am I just flitting about?
Quote o the Day: “Even a dog can’t chase every rabbit.” (I just now made that up.)
de clutter- from Bonnie Mincu clik
Bonnie’s course clik
more on de clutter tip 426 clik
Trying to do too much, typical ADD. I want to address that, and further address the great suggestions/questions I got, and also the new NYT article on ADHD and ritalin etc, and and — don’t you see? This could turn out to be a long post.
Scott asked about how to create structure, routine, strategies, habits, and maintain them, and how to get back on track when you’re off. So I responded using my recent retirement as an example. Because, Boy, am I off track right now! But I need to address the question more specifically.
Margaret ask about ADHD and menopause, time management, and so how to function when you’ve got every thing off track and are overwhelmed, and when there’s been big change (like my retirement).
Since I didn’t know much about ADHD and menopause I researched it. So this could apply to menopause, or having the flu, or going through a depression, or any time of heavy stress. This is what I found: see if your doctor can help, use your usual tools and strategies, realize that you are not at your best and won’t be able to do as well as usual. Try to be nice to yourself, cut back where you can, lower expectations and take it a little easy. This too shall pass.
So I really like retirement, but it has surprised me, isn’t like I expected. The big internal flywheel has slowed and the sense of time pressure has lessened, but they’re not gone. I haven’t gotten the hang of it yet, and don’t have things organized. Lacking structure. But it’s been less than a month. So many things I want to do and hard to choose, prioritize, and know where to start.
So I’ve been getting this message over and over recently, in various ways, but haven’t really heard it, until this morning. Our wonderful new priest spoke about God loves us, as we are, and we don’t have to be always striving to improve.
Finally, I think I got it. ”Relax.” I still need to prioritize, let go of some want to do’s, create structure, set goals, and so on, but there’s no great hurry about it. It will all fit into place with time.
Will try to address these issues again and soon, and more specifically. But maybe get the new NYT article on medications in next. Can’t do them all at once, don’t you see?
Still looking for requests and suggestions for topics; really appreciate them.
Tip 455 on this clik
on a new anti ADHD book (ignorance is bliss?) clik
a little too much going on?
Homey and Scott raised good questions about coping with ADD ADHD. These questions are especially interesting to me since I’m struggling with the same issues, because I’ve just retired and have lost my schedule and much of my structure, and, coincidentally, am dealing with menopause (yes, in myself – long story).
Not all of you have just retired, but you can apply these concepts to your own circumstance, especially regarding structure and routine and changes, which can disrupt everything.
I thought that when I retired I’d have lots of leisure time, and could just do what I felt like doing whenever I felt like doing it, follow any whim. WRONG!
There’s very few things I have to do, some things I need to do, and lots and lots of things I want to do. With my schedule and routine gone, I’ve been bouncing around from one thing to another, getting some things done, but not really getting anywhere.
So far I have learned:
1. I can’t do it all. Ex: on the guitar, I want to learn some songs, and the fretboard, and how to play jazz, and the 7th chords for jazz, , and new strums, and master the great free lessons on Youtube, and complete the three courses that I’ve bought over the years, and—–.
Need to organize and prioritize. Can I learn two songs, and work on the fretboard, and maybe follow one of the Youtube courses? That may be too much.
I’m currently working on four books, need to choose one.
2. Even retired, I don’t have time for distractions. Caught myself writing reviews of books I’d read, on Amazon. I stopped – “Why am I doing this?” Nothing wrong with it, but what was it getting me? Had other things to do (guitar for example).
3. Need routine. Have some – prayer time when first get up, then e mails, then breakfast and newspaper (can skim most of it, not required to read every word.) Then exercise.
There’s a little time left before lunch, so how to use it? Would that be a good time to do the Spanish lesson? or work on the blog? or practice the guitar? do book marketing? writing? Need to choose, so as to make more routine. (Because I have ADD.)
Again, I realized I can’t do it all. So I made a tentative schedule (on the back of an envelope). Commit to doing the blog on Mon, Wed, Sat; the guitar on Tues, Th, Sat; writing on Tues, Fri; finances on Sat. I may do some of those at anytime, but I’m committed to doing them on those days.
Of course: 1. things come up, and I may not be able to do the commitment on some days, but this is a structure. 2. still need to decide when in the day for those things.
Coming up, more on strategies for this, and more on the new New York Times article, and lots more, and, and – wait a minute!!!! This is what I’m talking about (but I will get to it).
Eating this delicious quiche quickly became a priority.
adhd and menopause clik
the have done non list from lucy clik
this one addresses menopause and ADHD at the end clik
really good list of many of our common but less often mentioned symptoms (man or woman, menopausal or not, retired or not) clik
Are you using strategies for your ADD ADHD problems?
Strategies are the key to living better with ADD ADHD, though medication (ritalin, adderall, antidepressant) can be very helpful. For one thing, it can help us focus enough so that we can use strategies.
But, sometimes it’s hard to come up with good strategies, or we forget to use them, or we find them hard to implement, or we’re too demoralized before we start to even start.
So, we can need strategies to help us use strategies:
We need to identify a problem, and one that causes us enough trouble that it’s worth working on. It needs to be a small specific problem. One lady is writing that her problem is that she’s distractable. Well, yes, that is ADD ADHD. And there can be strategies for that, but usually it’s better to come up with a more specific target – “I get distracted in the morning and forget to brush my teeth.”
If you are reluctant to try, for any of the above reasons (“Oh, I’ve tried before and it didn’t work for me.”), then a strategy is to try a two week experiment, not a life long contract. Or, if that’s too much, try a one week experiment.
Get help. Enlist your sig other or a friend or coworker, or even on the net (see links below). They can monitor you or encourage you or remind you or help you figure out strategies, or even help you figure out how they can help. You don’t have to do it all by yourself.
Make a list of significant problems, then pick three of the most troubling, then break them down into small specific problems (if you haven’t already), and then pick one (that’s ONE) to work on. You’re not going to change your whole life (or what you have had for a lifetime) right away, but you are going to make it better, one step at a time.
There is yet another New York Times article on medications for ADD ADHD, and what they see as over use. For next time (hopefully).
What topics would you like to see next? I’m soliciting suggestions, requests, comments and reviews. Have had great responses from Homey and Scott – Thank You! Will get to them soon.
clik Jenna’s good posts on ADD issues, including transitions
Life can be peaceful..
clik Alan on memory aids – good!
clik from kiera, wonderful photos! look!
clik some good strategies
Quote o the Day: White hair is a sign of wisdom, if you keep your mouth shut.
Life with ADD ADHD!
It was the same thing again, but different. This time it wasn’t about losing my glasses.
We were volunteering at the shelter; my job was to take care of the name tags. They gave me a little box of tags along with a black marker, and I was instructed at length about where to put them when I was done. Clearly they were important.
Things went OK, and I wasn’t very busy and I had just written a guy’s name on the tag for him and given him his sleeping bag and I thought I deserved a cookie (I’d been able to resist their call so far, but was standing too close to them). You see where this is going?
OK, I enjoyed the cookie, and it’s possible I even had another one, maybe, you think? and then it was time to go back to work, and, of course, I couldn’t find the box of tags.
I looked on the chair where I’d been sitting before. Nope. Then in the closet where the sleeping bags are. Nope. Then on the tables near the closet. And all over the floor. And back over where the cookies were. No tags.
I walked back to where the boss was, to admit I’d lost them and see if anyone had maybe turned them in?
That’s when I noticed that the Box with the Tags and the Black Ink Marker were in my right hand.
Of course, I’d never thought to look there.
Anyone know what I’m talking about?
You may have noticed that this isn’t a strategy, but I did make a strategy about losing my glasses – now I always look first on my face (not on the top of my head, no, I mean on my nose!).
if you have a significant other with ADD or ADHD, this is important – from Melissa Orlov clik
wonderful survey of history of ADD ADHD from mike clik
It stands out like a sore thumb.
I am asking for your input-
What new topics would you like addressed here?
Any you like addressed again?
Any changes you would recommend?
Remember that I love your comments, Thank You!
and that you can share with the little buttons at the bottom (that was news to me).
Lets start off 2014 together on a great positive note!
Quote o the day – “It’s a great life, if you don’t weaken.”
from Jenna clik
great bad ADD idea clik
a new beginning
The WordPress.com stats helper monkeys prepared a 2013 annual report for this blog.
Thank you to all who follow the blog and special thanks to all who comment. As well of course to all who have purchased one of the books and especially to those who have reviewed it. And to those who have shared it with the little buttons at the bottom.
Continue on to see the commenters hall of fame. I love comments.
And a very very happy and blessed new year to each and every one.
Here’s an excerpt:
The concert hall at the Sydney Opera House holds 2,700 people. This blog was viewed about 13,000 times in 2013. If it were a concert at Sydney Opera House, it would take about 5 sold-out performances for that many people to see it.
jeg’s good start to a good new year clik
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